Dating Tips and Relationship Advice

The other night someone asked me if there really are 'Happy Endings'? 

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Take a look at the Matchmaking Article in the latest edition of Active Adult Magazine!  The Nov/Dec issue is titled "The Dating Game Revisited", and the featured article is titled "Matchmaker Matchmaker". 

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Some things do not change! We think we have evolved (and perhaps we have in many areas) but the simple truth remains simple and true! I came across this old Ann Landers article. Love it!

Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is quiet understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!"
Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and that makes them even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.

Love is elevating. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It lifts you up.

It makes you a better person.

--Ann Landers

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After years of hearing date feedback, I just have to share ....  

DATING DO’S

• Be on time!  This is so important.  It is uncomfortable for anyone to sit and wait for someone, especially a first date. 
• Keep it light and fun on the first few dates. 
• Be polite and kind, regardless of chemistry.
• Ask lots of good questions to find out more about them.  What do they do in their free time, do they like to travel, what are their hobbies …
• Be sure there is a good back and forth in conversation.  If you find you are doing most of the talking, pause and ask more good questions.
• Don’t be too quick to judge.  Sometimes it takes a few dates to get a good sense of someone. 
• Remember the purpose of a first date is to see if you want a second one.  If you do, make plans, exchange numbers etc.
• Keep your expectations in check and don’t be over invested in the outcome.  Remember, you are not going to click with everyone and it isn’t realistic to think you will.
• Pay attention to body language.  Smile, make eye contact and show off your flirty side
• Dress in something that makes you feel fabulous.  Women no turtlenecks and men no running shoes. (**note to all ** running shoes are for running and have no business being on a lunch, drink or dinner date)  A good first date outfit is upscale casual.  Clean pressed jeans are great if paired with heels and a blouse for women or great shoes and a buttoned shirt for men.
• Most of all HAVE FUN!!  Even if your date is not a match, enjoy yourself and contribute to the date!  Who knows?  They may know someone who is great for you, they may be a good networking contact, a tennis partner or theatre buddy.  It is always a shame to not enjoy every situation you find yourself in.

DATING DON’TS

• Talk on your cell phone, text or check messages while you are on a date.  It is rude and unacceptable. 
• Talk about exes, past dates, or the dating service.  While I understand that it is the one thing you know you have in common, it is one of the biggest complaints we get. Your date doesn’t want to hear about former dates or partners; the focus should be on them.  Even if they bring it up, politely move on as it will come back to bite you!
• Talk about politics, religion or things that may get heated before you know someone’s communication style.  These things are best left to date 3 and beyond
• Don’t over analyze everything.  It takes time to get to know someone and how they think or who they are.  Keep an open mind and give them (and their statements) the benefit of the doubt.
• Drink too much .. 1 or 2 tops (We are the only ones who think we are charming when we have one too many)

MY VIEW ON “THE BILL”

It may be controversial here with some, but after speaking to so many women I have a good handle on how they think!

If you want a second date, gentlemen, pay the bill!  When the bill arrives, immediately and discreetly move it to your side of the table.  DO NOT let it sit in the middle of the table.  It makes for an awkward end to the date.  If she offers to pay half, don’t cave.  (Sorry, she will still judge you .. Uh huh !  …  it seems complicated but just trust us here)

If she insists, then fine … but that is the only time you let her take out her wallet. 

 For right or wrong, this is one of those things that isn’t going to change anytime soon.  The good news is that generally speaking, women are (by nature) very giving and a good relationship will find a beautiful balance of give and take.  Take  care of her and she will take care of you tenfold!

 Again, have fun and enjoy yourself.  As long as you are realistic, the right person WILL come along so enjoy this journey!!

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I have been on the trail with Matchmaking Canada asking questions about who should pay on a date!!  It has generated a lot of debate and conversation ... 

I polled some clients, respondents and contacts to find out what people are REALLY thinking about who should pick up the tab!  220 people were polled and no surprise, 85 percent of the respondents were women!  Men, we know you are at times confused about this so pay attention here !!!

An overwhelming 72% thought the man should pay the bill.  21% thought the bill should be paid by whoever initiated the date and a small percentage (mostly under age 25) thought the bill should be split.

Here is the kicker!  Although not everyone thought the man "should" pay, a whopping 96 percent of respondents said they would judge the other person negatively if they didn't offer!! 

This tells me a few things ....  Women seem to be more willing to log in and give their 2 cents on this and they also seem to hold onto the traditional idea that the man pays the bill.  For right or wrong, this is how they feel about it.

As an experienced matchmaker (and I have talked to so many singles about this!!) I can tell you, that the results are not a huge surprise to me.  The feedback on a man that doesn't pay the bill is seldom positive.  Is it fair? It depends on the situation and the people involved.

To the defense of women (and I speak generally of course as there are always exceptions), women tend to be nurturing and giving in many other ways.  Cooking a meal, remembering important dates, picking up gifts, caring for extended families, organizing social events .... etc ...

Ideally when it comes to give and take, it all evens out.  In the meantime, my advice to men who want a second date?  Pick up the tab, gentlemen ...

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